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28 F Omani ,living in my own Musical Box,loves art and everything about itand novels are my favorite things.

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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Friday, September 03, 2010
cant be cruel

I cant believe how some people can be so cold and heartless...
yes when i get mad or upset at something or someone.. I will sure not be my normal self , I would cry , I would raise my voice maybe or just sit all alone and try to sleep and sleep to forget about it ..

But i never thought for a moment there would be people around who would want to harm me .. while I treated them so right , i was there for them while they needed me in good and bad, i showed them how much i love them and how much i care about them, even in the smallest silliest ways ever.

because thats just me... i love to see people around happy and smiling, yes i care too much sometimes and it might be annoying to some. like when my brothers stay out late ,I keep calling them till i make sure they are fine.. its out of love not being noisy or anything i just want to make sure they are just fine..I cant sleep sometimes when I feel like i might did something wrong to someone and will bother me till it even hunt my dreams sometimes..

It hits me sometimes and i go like I should treat all those who did harm me the same way.. swear at their faces, talk behind their backs around everyone, or physically and hurt them the way they did to me.. but I cant i just cant,,, its not me... for a long time i have been thinking what did I do wrong? what did I do to make them do this? and when i try to collect all the things around me that happened , i doubt myself again and again thinking no way .. NO ONE WILL EVER hurt anyone this way without a reason so i keep thinking i might be "wrong" ... but all the things that i did to them...didn't and wouldn't harm them in anyway ...

it hurts so bad that when you do all the good things and get that kind of a reaction ...a bad one..

I wouldnt lie and say I tried to be like them ...cruel
but in the end of the day i would hate myself because am just not that person,, am not like them
I just cant be like that , sometimes i wish soo bad i can be 10% like them to show them how does it feels like... i failed badly ...

I failed but am Happy that am not that low am just not

am blessed to have good people around me
this year has been a really hard year, i have seen lot of masks falling off
but it made me who i am..it did teach me lot of lessons

stay up, raise ur head up high and dont look down two the lower level ... they wouldn't be like you and I wouldnt change who they are...